Ask Stoics source guide · Stoicism and Emotions
Stoicism and Embarrassment
Embarrassment often arises from a concern for how others perceive us. Stoicism offers a framework for understanding this emotion, distinguishing between external judgments and our internal responses. It encourages us to focus on what is within our control: our opinions and our will. By examining the nature of good and bad, and the role of our own judgments, we can navigate situations that might cause embarrassment with greater equanimity. This approach helps us to align our actions with virtue, rather than being swayed by the opinions of others.
On this page you will get a clear explanation, a way to examine the idea, exact evidence from public-domain Stoic texts, and links for continuing the study.
The Role of Opinion in Emotion
Embarrassment, like other emotional disturbances, stems from our opinions about events, not the events themselves. Our judgments about what is good or bad, or what constitutes a threat to our reputation, are the true source of distress.
The Stoics teach that every disorder of the mind, including feelings of embarrassment, is a motion of the mind that is either devoid of reason or acts in defiance of it. These motions are excited by our opinions of good or evil, which are within our control to examine and correct, as Cicero notes.
Sources: Cicero, Tusculan Disputations 3.11; Epictetus, Discourses 3.9
External Judgments vs. Internal Virtue
We often feel embarrassed when we believe others are judging us negatively. However, Stoicism reminds us that the opinions of others are external and not within our control.
Our focus should be on our own will and character, which are truly good or bad based on our own right or perverse opinions. The nature of good and bad resides in our will, not in external circumstances or others' perceptions.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29; Epictetus, Discourses 3.9
Distinguishing What is Ours
The Stoic practice involves discerning what belongs to us and what does not. Our actions, intentions, and opinions are ours; the reactions and judgments of others are not.
When we feel embarrassed, it is often because we are valuing an external, such as reputation, over our internal state. True good comes from within, from our own will, not from external approval.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29
The Temptation of External Validation
The desire to avoid embarrassment can lead us to seek external validation, allowing others' opinions to dictate our actions and sense of self-worth. This is a path to disturbance.
Epictetus illustrates how our opinions drive our actions, whether it's seeking office or traveling. Similarly, our opinions about what others think of us drive our feelings of embarrassment.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 3.9
Correcting Perverse Opinions
To overcome embarrassment, we must examine and correct our perverse or distorted opinions about external things. This includes the opinion that others' judgments can harm our true self.
If our opinions are right, our will becomes good. If they are perverse, our will becomes bad. This principle applies directly to how we interpret and react to situations that might cause embarrassment.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29
Cultivating Inner Resilience
By focusing on our internal state and cultivating right opinions, we build resilience against external pressures, including the sting of embarrassment. Our character is defined by our choices.
God has fixed this law: if you would have anything good, receive it from yourself. This means our peace and freedom from embarrassment come from within, not from managing others' perceptions.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29
What the primary texts say
These excerpts keep their work and exact locator so you can check the claim in context rather than accepting a detached quotation.
“The whole cause, then, is in opinion; and this observation applies not to this grief alone, but to every other disorder of the mind, which are of four sorts, but consisting of many parts.”
“The being (nature) of the Good is a certain Will; the being of the Bad is a certain kind of Will. What then are externals? Materials for the Will, about which the will being conversant shall obtain its own good or evil.”
“God has fixed this law, and says, “If you would have anything good, receive it from yourself.””
Frequently asked questions
How do Stoics view the source of embarrassment?
Stoics believe embarrassment, like other emotional disturbances, originates from our opinions about external events, not the events themselves. It is our judgment of good or evil that excites these motions of the mind.
Sources: Cicero, Tusculan Disputations 3.11
Should I care about what others think of me?
While it's natural to be aware of others, Stoicism teaches that their opinions are external and not within your control. Your focus should be on your own will and right opinions, as true good comes from within.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29
Can I control feelings of embarrassment?
You can control your reactions to situations that might cause embarrassment by examining and correcting your opinions. The Stoic path involves recognizing that your will, shaped by your opinions, determines your inner state.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29; Epictetus, Discourses 3.9
What is the Stoic approach to reputation?
Reputation is an external. Stoicism advises focusing on cultivating internal virtue and a good will, rather than being swayed by the desire for external approval or fear of negative judgment from others.
Sources: Epictetus, Discourses 1.29
Continue with Ask Stoics
Bring one of these source-grounded questions into the app:
- How can I distinguish between a rational and irrational response to a social situation?
- What specific opinions might be contributing to my feelings of embarrassment?
- How can I practice focusing on my internal will when I feel judged by others?
- What is the relationship between my desire for approval and my sense of self-worth?